Sunday, October 19, 2008

Travis County Expected to Concede Defeat in Masturbation Contempt Case

Lawyers for Adam Reposa, an Austin lawyer sentenced to 90 days in jail for contempt for his open-court simulated masturbation gesture last March, announced today that Travis County Attorney David Escamilla will concede the merits of the Reposa brief. Karyl Krug, Chief of “Team Reposa,” the lawyers who have taken up his cause, expects the contempt order will be vacated and the matter dismissed. “We’ve got an unbeatable loophole, we can’t lose,” she said.

The entire appeal, she says, hinges on one word: “at.”

The brief argued that because Reposa’s masturbation was not aimed “at” Travis County Court-at-Law No. 6 Judge Jan Breland, who was presiding over the proceedings at the time, Reposa cannot be held in contempt. “Yes, he looked at her as he jacked off,” explained Krug. “But she did not feel his masturbation. It was done ‘toward’ or ‘in the presence of,’ certainly not ‘at,’” Krug chuckled confidently, clearly reveling in the cleverness of her air-tight argument.

“We’re not saying he didn’t make the effort, it’s just that if she’s not the object of the gesture, he didn’t direct it at the court and he can’t be held in contempt,” said a Reposa Team member.

Instead, prosecutor Bill Swaim was the confirmed object of the sexual act, a man not widely viewed as a legitimate basis for masturbation. When informed about the nature of Reposa’s argument, Swaim appeared relieved. “I had been sulking,” Swaim admitted. “But when I understood Adam was ‘moving’ for me, well, I just felt elated, quite frankly,” he said. “I thought it was all about the judge, and I was not even on his mind, but now that I know it was all about me, well, it’s quite a compliment.”

Head hung low, Travis County Attorney David Escamilla admitted at a news conference his office is considering formal defeat. “We are convinced that despite the direct eye contact during the masturbatory move, Judge Breland was not, in fact, Mr. Reposa’s true object. We will of course take the appropriate action.”

News of the Reposa argument left Judge Jan Breland personally devastated. “I believed in my heart it was for me,” a teary-eyed Breland confessed. “I just really thought I was more worthy of open-court masturbation simulation than Bill Swaim,” she said, her voice breaking, “but I guess I was just plum wrong.”

“I am not gay,” yelled an annoyed Adam Reposa upon learning of the argument. “When I jack off on a person, I look them in the eye, and I don’t care about Swaim,” he said, storming angrily toward a closed elevator door, punching the elevator button vigorously. “Do I think Swaim swaggers? Sure. Do I like a man who swaggers? Absolutely. Sure, I’ve watched his walk, he’s in good shape, but the very notion, I mean, Swaim carries himself well, I admit, but just shut up, shut up,” stammered Reposa before dashing into an elevator and cursing loudly.

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