After criminal defense lawyer Adam Reposa was jailed for simulating masturbation in court last week, a statewide attorney association has organized a protest. Today in Austin, hundreds attended a "Free the Masturbator" Rally held in front of the Blackwell-Thurman Criminal Justice Complex. The rally was sponsored by the Texas Hispanic Criminal Defense Lawyers Association to show its support for masturbatory simulation in court. "We just feel like the courts have grabbed us by the balls with this ruling," said organizer and permanent president of the Association, Leonard Martinez. "If we let this [ruling of contempt] stand, it will just put us back into the closet instead of open masturbation for our clients," he said.
Others agreed, viewing Reposa’s sexual presentation in court as nothing less than heroic. "Mr. Reposa is just so awesome," Eva Shatelowitz, one of Reposa’s lawyers, said with unblinking, glazed eyes. "He is awesome," she said again in a near-whisper as a nearby Reposa hopped up and down screaming "Look at me! Look at me!" "Isn’t he just awesome?" she asked in stilted, robotic speech, apparently hypnotized by his repetitious vertical movement.
The rally included a speech by a contrite Judge Jan Breland who apologized to the crowd for her contempt ruling. "I realize now that he was only making an important point about the subtleties of Sixth Amendment jurisprudence by jacking off in front of me," she said. "As a judge, I guess I jumped the gun, so to speak."
Masturbatory simulation has long been an important technique of legal advocacy, one of several methods used by lawyers to persuade courts to interpret law. Many at the rally said this form of advocacy could be jeopardized if the contempt ruling is permitted to stand. "Lewd gestures are crucial to my practice," said one attorney as he thrust his hips vigorously into the air. "Shadow-master" and attorney Skip Davis said the ruling may inhibit his practice of using obscene shadow-puppets to convey the complexities of Fourth Amendment analysis. "If I can’t do two dolphins fucking, then I can’t do my job," he said.
One person at the rally complained, "The next thing they’ll do is tell us we have to wear pants to court," before running pantless through the crowd. Another screamed obscenities at a flower-bed of pansies. Several lawyers came dressed as clowns to lend their support to the Reposa cause.
Karyl Krug, another of Reposa’s attorneys, predicted the contempt ruling would be overturned on appeal. "If there is one thing that courts jealously guard, it is our sacred right as attorneys to recreate our own self-gratification in court."
Others agreed, viewing Reposa’s sexual presentation in court as nothing less than heroic. "Mr. Reposa is just so awesome," Eva Shatelowitz, one of Reposa’s lawyers, said with unblinking, glazed eyes. "He is awesome," she said again in a near-whisper as a nearby Reposa hopped up and down screaming "Look at me! Look at me!" "Isn’t he just awesome?" she asked in stilted, robotic speech, apparently hypnotized by his repetitious vertical movement.
The rally included a speech by a contrite Judge Jan Breland who apologized to the crowd for her contempt ruling. "I realize now that he was only making an important point about the subtleties of Sixth Amendment jurisprudence by jacking off in front of me," she said. "As a judge, I guess I jumped the gun, so to speak."
Masturbatory simulation has long been an important technique of legal advocacy, one of several methods used by lawyers to persuade courts to interpret law. Many at the rally said this form of advocacy could be jeopardized if the contempt ruling is permitted to stand. "Lewd gestures are crucial to my practice," said one attorney as he thrust his hips vigorously into the air. "Shadow-master" and attorney Skip Davis said the ruling may inhibit his practice of using obscene shadow-puppets to convey the complexities of Fourth Amendment analysis. "If I can’t do two dolphins fucking, then I can’t do my job," he said.
One person at the rally complained, "The next thing they’ll do is tell us we have to wear pants to court," before running pantless through the crowd. Another screamed obscenities at a flower-bed of pansies. Several lawyers came dressed as clowns to lend their support to the Reposa cause.
Karyl Krug, another of Reposa’s attorneys, predicted the contempt ruling would be overturned on appeal. "If there is one thing that courts jealously guard, it is our sacred right as attorneys to recreate our own self-gratification in court."
2 comments:
I don't think we should be thinking about the contempt ruling, and williamson county officials are not intimidated by the fact that travis county held a contempt ruling.
I am not Dennis Toad?
wmh
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