Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Williamson County Judges Rage Against Contempt Ruling

Angry Williamson County judges have unleashed their collective fury over the Travis County contempt decision regarding Austin lawyer Adam Reposa by unexpectedly holding scores of lawyers in contempt in the Williamson County Courthouse. "We have a reputation at stake," said a mouth-frothing Judge Burt Carnes, as he ordered most of the attorneys gathered in his court last week for 1:30 docket call into jail for "hair disorders" and other bizarre infractions he shouted hysterically from the bench.

The sudden move came as various Williamson County officials complained that Travis County judges were appearing "tougher" on defense lawyers. "We won’t be and can’t be out-done by Austin hippie-ism," huffed a visibly emotional but soft-spoken County Court at Law Judge Suzanne Brooks. "If I need to have my bailiff just shoot a lawyer here in our county for every lawyer jailed in Travis, so help me God, I will," she whispered, adding, "Please God help me, I have a .38 under my judicial gown. Lord, give me the sign. "

Many observers have described other Williamson County judges and magistrates as "disoriented" and "acting in a bewildered or confused manner" over the Travis County contempt ruling. "Our JP’s [Justices of the Peace] have been clubbing people delinquent for paying their fines on class C misdemeanors," said one deputy, who asked to remain anonymous. "It’s just because they heard that JP’s in Travis County aren’t clubbing anybody," he said.

Psychologists have described such abrupt changes in social behavior when a group’s identity is threatened or undermined. "The ‘Williamson County Syndrome’ is well-known to both naturalists and psychologists throughout the world," said one. "We’ve seen this pattern in squirrel lemurs, where one colony gains status amongst the lemur population at large through tail-snipping." However, "the colony devolves into anarchy," lemurologists say, "when their tail-snipping is revealed to be less effective at behavior control over the group" and a realization that much of the snipping may be merely due to "the simple enjoyment that some lemurs get from just biting other lemurs."

Humans, including people who work for Williamson County government, demonstrate the same behavior if a philosophy of uniformity and emphasis on punishment prevails as the dominant ideology, said University of Texas psychology professor Damon Lamer, a former hippie or hippie-like person.

"We will jail more lawyers, and if that isn’t enough, we are not repelled by cannibalism," Judge Carnes said, biting savagely at some unusually large rib-like meat provided by "Anything you Say" BBQ in Georgetown. "We deter crime because we are tougher," he snorted before suddenly chomping on an unknown lawyer's femur bone.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

I owe Williamson county well over 100 in jail for contempt of court.For individual debts.