"Team Reposa" Prepares for Oral Argument

Lawyers for Adam Reposa, an Austin lawyer held in contempt for simulating masturbation to a judge in court, are gearing up for oral argument in the case, which will be held August 20 in the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals. The high court agreed to hear the case last week.

"We’re absolutely confident of victory," said Karyl Krug, the lead attorney for a collection of lawyers defending Reposa and describing themselves as "Team Reposa." But crucial to Reposa’s victory will be the defense’s demonstration of masturbation which won Reposa 90 days in the county jail. "Everything will be riding on how I present myself jacking off like I was a guy," said a brightly-smiling Krug.

To that end, the Team has been holding a series of moot courts to be fully prepared, with the masturbation simulation proving the most challenging aspect of the legal presentation. "The timing, the motion, it all has to be exactly right," said Krug, who has been practicing different gestures before "Team Reposa" member Todd Dudley and others.

"She’s coming along, but she doesn’t have it down yet," said Dudley during one of their practice runs. "I’ve shown her so many times my hand has actually cramped up," he complained. "She’s a perfectionist."

Team members say that the jack-off must commence from a 15-degree angle from the right side of the groin area at a distance of exactly 4.2 inches. As the right hand curls, the upward motion must clearly convey the constitutional rights Reposa was seeking to vindicate with the gesticulation. "If this initial move is done incorrectly, we’ll lose the argument, it’ll just look like we’re jacking off," said Dudley.

Even if the first move is performed flawlessly, Krug must both orally persuade the high court of the merits of her case while simultaneously simulating masturbation in a dignified and respectful way. "That’s a really tough one to pull off," said one court observer. "I don’t think I’d want to make that argument."

The curvature of the fingers must remain at a precise 0.72 radius as the hand rises at a speed of one-half mile an hour, signaling the court that a significant constitutional claim is at stake. As the radius is decreased, the hand-to-crotch vectors must remain solidly in place in order to inform the judges both the seriousness and complexity of the legal claims. "If the radius is too thin, she will merely appear to be whacking off; if it is too large, Krug could look ridiculous," said one attorney.

"The nobility of our profession is at stake with this case," said Dudley, as he rubbed a sore wrist. "But if Team Reposa is prepared for anything, it is this special move."